Red on White
by pikapikaryuchan
Summary: I guess the only thing to put is that it's a story about betrayal.
1. Chapter 1

AN) Well I know I'm probably going to be lynched for posting this and not the next chapter of Do I Have Too? Unfortunately this has been runny ramped through my mind for weeks now. So I hope you like the first chapter it isn't great but I'm hoping it will get more interesting as I go.

Don't own it and unfortunately never will.

It hurt everything hurt his body ached all over and he was sure someone was crushing his head in a vice. He didn't dare open his eyes not yet, the small amount of light that filtered through his eyelids turning them red was painful he sure as hell didn't want to find out what would happen if he opened them. Despite the pain he had to be laying on one of the most comfortable beds of his life it was nothing like Yuki's hard mattress. He was sure that he was resting on a down mattress cover and the comforter over him seemed to be made of the same light yet warming material. The sun despite the torture it was causing his head felt warm and inviting he wished he could just drift back into oblivion the sound of someone humming prevented that. It was a familiar voice and a familiar song though the song he could place, Nittle Graspers first hit, the owner of the voice escaped him. He heard general rummaging the person was moving about the room with ease he desperately wanted to open his eyes to see what was going on where he was and who was humming that damned song. The person came toward the bed and he heard the sound of metal on wood then the bed sank ever so slightly on his right side. He felt a light touch on his forehead that promptly withdrew then he felt his mouth being forced opened and something cold and hard was placed uncomfortably under his tongue. He tried to struggle but his right arm was under the blankets and his left hurt far too much to move. He must have whimpered he wasn't sure but the person quietly began asking him questions.

"Are you awake Shindou-san?" the voice was barely above a whisper, he knew it but he couldn't place it. He desperately wanted to answer but his voice wouldn't work he couldn't form any words. He nodded his head the best he could, it sent searing pain down his spine but he had to let this person know that he was aware. He heard a beep and the now warm object in his mouth was removed.

"You still have a high fever it's been a whole day perhaps I should take you to the hospital." The person seemed to be talking more to himself. He used all the strength he had to violently shake his head no. He was quickly grabbed and felt the person push his bangs back and stroke his hair soothingly. He calmed a bit at the gentle touch and relaxed back into the down pillow.

"It's ok I wont take you now that you're awake, unless the fever still doesn't go down at least now I can give you some medicine." The figure moved away. Suddenly it hit him he was so shocked he couldn't help his eyes flying open to verify what his ears were telling him. A blinding white pain and a few tearful blinks later he was looking for the source of the voice. He turned his head to the side that the person had been at and gasped. He was right none other than Seguchi Tohma stood next to the bed pouring water in a glass and taking a pill from a bottle. He couldn't understand what was going on why was Tohma smiling at him like that touching him so gently. His fear must have shown through Tohma was now reassuring him that he meant no harm and only wanted to help. The blond man came back over to the bed and helped Shuichi sit up it had to be one of the most painful experiences of his life. He leaned back propped against two huge and fluffy pillows somehow the description didn't make his body hurt any less. He felt feverish and he looked to see the reason his left arm wasn't working was because it was heavily bandaged. After readjusting him Tohma had retrieved the water again and was now sitting on the bed facing him with that same soft smile. Shuichi knew he was breathing heavily whether it was due to all the movement or his sickness he wasn't sure but he felt faint. He didn't even realize that his head was slumped forward and that his eyes were closing until Tohma used a hand to push his chin up.

"Open your mouth." Although it was stated gently it was in no way a request and Shuichi let his jaw fall open slightly. Tohma placed the small pill on his tongue and then the glass to his lips. Shuichi swallowed as best he could and then continued to drink greedily he hadn't realized how thirsty or hungry he had been. After the water was pulled away and set on the night stand the keyboardist turned back to him once again brushing hair from his face.

"What were you doing Shindou-san why were you out in the snow like that? Why were you bleeding all over the snow like that? My heart stopped when I saw you I thought I was to late and you were gone but then you let out a soul wrenching sob and for a second I thought 'This is what he wants I should let him have it' but I was too selfish and I-I brought you back here. Please don't hate me." He whispered wrapping Shuichi in his arms and holding him as tightly as he could. Despite the pain Shuichi allowed it he didn't try to pull away, he could feel himself beginning to slip into unconsciousness again he didn't know if it was the pill or not but he suspected so. His right hand was gripping Tohma's shirt tightly he didn't want the older man to leave him.

Tohma grabbed one of the pillows from behind Shuichi and tossed it aside then leaned the boy gently back on the bed. As he moved away the grip only tightened he looked to see Shuichi's eyes pleading with him not to leave. Shuichi wanted desperately to talk to him but it his voice didn't seem to be working at all. Tohma pulled back the covers when Shuichi showed no objection he climbed in next to the boy and held him close. Shuichi was forced to lie on his back due to his injuries so all he could do was turn his head to the side and nuzzle softly into Tohma's chest until he could fall asleep. Shuichi was somewhere in-between dozing and awake he wasn't sure how long he had been here with Tohma but he felt warm and more relaxed than he had in a long time. Tohma lay on his side his body molded to Shuichi's; one arm was beneath the boy holding him around the waist the other was stroking his cheek gently he was dimly aware of lips brushing against his ear and soothing words being whispered to him, he let Tohma's tender voice lull him into a deep dreamless sleep.

When he woke later Tohma still slept beside him, he felt more aware now and realized he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. It took awhile but he managed to slip out of the bed without waking the older man. He found the bathroom with ease, when he was done he decided he might as well take a shower while Tohma still slept. He started to feel dizzy again though and leaned a hand against the wall for support. Hands were suddenly on his shoulders holding him steady he tilted his head back as far as he could to assure himself that it was Tohma.

"You should have woken me up Shindou-san I would have helped you. What would I have done if you had fallen and hurt yourself?" The blond man asked. "Come on lets get you back to bed." He stated putting Shuichi's uninjured arm around his neck to help support him. Shuichi shook his head no. "But you must be tired you're still too weak to be up and around like this." Shuichi tried to talk but once again no sound came out. He pulled his arm away and pointed at the tub. "What?" Tohma asked looking him in the eyes. Shuichi made his way slowly to the tub and tried to turn the water on. Tohma smiled that's what he wanted. Tohma walked up behind him and turned the water on he rinsed out the tub real quick and then pulled the stopper up. "Do you want bubbles?" he asked grabbing a thing of soap it wasn't meant for that purpose but it would do. Shuichi nodded enthusiastically. Once he had the water going he left to go find Shuichi some fresh clothes, when he returned the boy had striped and was trying to get into the tub. Tohma blushed slightly at the sight the singer made he was beautiful but he quickly brushed such thoughts aside and helped Shuichi into the tub. Shuichi was ten times as embarrassed as Tohma had been he turned beet red and wouldn't look at the keyboardist. Tohma told him to prop his injured arm on the side of the tub to keep it from getting wet, then watched him patiently as he relaxed and let his eyes drift closed.

"Don't fall asleep in there you'll get even sicker." Tohma said. Shuichi peaked an eye open and blew with little interest at some bubbles near him. He suddenly slipped beneath the water and Tohma was up to grab him when he reappeared wiping the bubbles from his eyes. He reached for the shampoo but quickly realized there was no way he would be able to wash his hair with one hand. Tohma saw his predicament and took the bottle in his hands telling Shuichi to turn around so that his back was to him and to keep his arm elevated.

'_It's to quiet._' Shuichi thought as Tohma began to wash his hair for him. He tried to hum but hardly any sound came out, and it didn't sound anything like what he was trying to hum. He reached his hand up and stopped Tohma, he turned to look at him his eyes pleading, he didn't know how to let his boss know he didn't like the silence. Tohma's hands were still intertwined in Shuichi's hair as the boy stared up at him wanting something, he didn't know what though. Suddenly Shuichi lifted his hand to point at Tohma's throat. Tohma didn't understand did he want to know why he couldn't talk?

"What is it Shindou-san?" Tohma asked. As soon as he began to talk Shuichi started nodding his head. Tohma still had no idea what he wanted. Shuichi turned to the wall and began to slowly make the shapes of letters while Tohma said them out loud. After a good five minuets Tohma finally got the message. "Please talk I don't like quiet."

"Um I-I don't know what to talk about." Tohma finally said feeling like he'd disappointed the boy. Shuichi went back to his air writing "Then sing." Tohma blinked a couple of times at that he wasn't much of a singer, but the look on Shuichi's face steeled his resolve and he sang Nittle Grasper songs as he finished washing the vocalists hair. He pulled the shower head down to rinse the boy's hair; he had to roll up one of his sleeves and help him lean back so that his wound would stay out of the water. His head was tilted completely back with his eyes clenched tightly shut, his lips were parted slightly and Tohma couldn't help but want to touch them. He restrained himself though and quickly finished getting Shuichi cleaned off. He stood the singer up Shuichi turned red again as he faced away from Tohma and let him run the water over him to rinse away all the soap. Tohma wanted to cry at the sight of his body it was black and blue it was no wonder he could barely move. A few seconds later Shuichi felt a soft towel being placed over his shoulders and Tohma lifted him carefully from the tub and sat him on the counter. He grabbed a smaller towel and dried Shuichi's hair before uncovering his left arm to clean and rewrap it.

Shuichi leaned back against the mirror the towel pooled loosely over him as he watched Tohma slowly unwrap his arm. His eyes widened in horror at the sight he had a huge gash going down the inside of his arm. Fear immediately took over and his eyes darted to Tohma's he would have cried out if his voice had allowed it. Tohma gauged his reaction Shuichi didn't seem to remember he'd done it to himself.

"You're going to be ok it stopped bleeding a long time ago. Y-you did it to yourself." He added softly, not taking his eyes off the wound as he cleaned it. Something warm suddenly hit his hand and he looked up to see tears running down the singers face. Shuichi was using his right hand to clutch the towel around himself tighter. Tohma grabbed his face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs.

"Don't you cry because of him you shouldn't feel sorry for him. He hurt you, he drove you to this so don't you dare cry because of him." Tohma had begun to cry himself and pulled Shuichi's head tightly to his chest.


	2. Remembering

Warnings: Personally I still think this is a T rating. There are mentions of extreme violence but I don't feel I went into any great or disturbing detail. If you think otherwise feel free to tell me and I'll up the rating until then it's still a T.

Shuichi had been with Tohma for almost a week now. He was doing better his bruises and the cuts were healing he was able to get up and move around as well. Tohma decided to give him his own room, Shuichi didn't seem happy about it like he thought he would be.

"Shuichi it's better this way, I wont run the risk of waking you up every morning. Besides you must be tired of me hogging all the covers." Tohma said trying to joke. Shuichi simply looked away into his new bedroom. Tohma approached him from behind and hugged him gently.

"If you need anything at all during the night you come get me ok. I don't care what it is, you're not a burden at all and I want to take good care of you." He released him. "Why don't you get settled in here and then I'm sure dinner will be done shortly, I'll come get you when it's done." Tohma exited the room his smile fading as soon as the door was closed.

He found himself in his bathroom staring at the tortured reflection of himself. It was all he could do to suppress his sobs. He had gone over to Eiri's today to pick up a few of the singers belongings. Eiri wasn't there; the apartment looked like it had been torn to shreds by robbers. Tohma wondered down the hallway taking in the mess he couldn't help but think that a good majority of it had been caused by Shuichi's attempt to get away from the novelist. He went to the master bedroom to get some of Shuichi's clothes that he had requested and from there he'd have to search the rest of the apartment for the things like his pink bunny, and lyric notebook. The sight that greeted him almost made him sick. The room was in shambles and there was dried blood on the bed, Shuichi's blood. Tohma cursed Eiri then and there screaming threats and obscenities at the writer who had recently disappeared. It had taken a while for him to come to his senses and he realized that he had added to the mess in the apartment by destroying anything that hadn't already been demolished. Realizing what he'd done he quickly gathered Shuichi's things and left, now here he was standing in front of his own mirror and having a break down. He heard a light tapping on the door and quickly looked to make sure he'd locked it he didn't want anyone to see him like this.

"One second." He said after he'd gained reasonable control over his voice. He fixed his hair and made sure he didn't look like he'd been crying, then turned and opened the door. Shuichi was standing on the other side he grabbed Tohma's hand and pulled him down to the dinning room where their dinner was waiting. Tohma talked about his day at work he had learned very quickly that Shuichi didn't like quiet and since he couldn't make his own noise basically demanded it of others. He would answer by smiling or nodding his head, but tonight he seemed to be rather distant. Eventually Tohma fell silent, he watched as Shuichi got up and retrieved his things that had been at Eiri's then went up to his room. Tohma couldn't help but think he'd angered the singer in some way.

Shuichi stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom staring at his neck. His mouth was moving out but still no sound came out. Shuichi's throat had been hurt in his struggle with Eiri. Tohma had taken him to the doctor only to find that he might never regain his singing voice. The doctor had said that he was already healing but there was no guarantee that it would come back fully. Surgery wouldn't be an option until his throat had healed completely and then there was only a slim chance that it would do any good.

Shuichi had lost it at the news, the doctor had actually given him a shot of some sedative to calm him down. It had worked quickly and it wasn't long before he was back in Tohma's arms heading home. By the time they reached Tohma's house Shuichi was out and slept for the rest of the day.

Leaving the bathroom Shuichi grabbed his lyric book and began to write. Just because he couldn't sing didn't mean he couldn't express himself through music still. He might even be able to get Ryuichi to sing the songs since he couldn't. The longer Shuichi tried to write the more nervous he became. He'd been writing when Eiri attacked him. Shuichi shivered slightly at the thought Yuki had been insanely drunk.

He'd been in the living room with his headphones on trying to come up with Bad Lucks next greatest hit. Suddenly his headphones had been torn off and in the next instant Eiri's fist had connected with his cheek. He landed on his side on the floor looking up dazed at his lover. Eiri ad grabbed him by the hair and dragged him to his bedroom. Even the Aizawa incident hadn't been as bad as this. Shuichi had never felt so much physical pain in his life but the mental was a hundred times worse. Through the whole thing his lover had been screaming things at him ranging from the fact that he was worthless, to Shuichi being the cause of every thing that had ever gone wrong in his life. Shuichi had tried to plead with the novelist, repeating over and over that he loved him more than anything. He apologized and begged Yuki to stop, thinking back on it he probably would have been better off if he hadn't tried to struggle. When his pleas became too much for the author he'd begun to choke Shuichi, causing the injury to this throat. If he'd just stayed quiet he would still be able to sing.

He had no idea how long the whole thing actually took once it was over Eiri had left Shuichi bloody and broken on the bed. Shuichi had cried in the beginning but had run out of tears, after Yuki left he simply lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. Yuki's words ran through his mind becoming truer each time they were repeated. Eventually he managed to get up, he pulled on the closest thing he could find. Making his way to the kitchen had been difficult the place was a mess. He didn't really remember putting up that much of a fight against his lover. He'd come into the kitchen to get some sort of pain killer but stumbled and knocked over the knife rack. He opened his eyes after several minutes of just laying on the floor to find knifes scattered around him. "Worthless, you're worthless." Eiri's words echoed through his head. Shuichi reached out and grabbed the closest knife. He'd never considered suicide before in his life. It'd been harder than he though the first time he tried to cut it only left a scrape down his arm. Apparently it took a good deal more pressure. He tightened his grip on the handle then pushed down as hard as he could.

His own scream echoed through the apartment, then died away. He couldn't look at his arm he needed to get away from the blood. Getting up was a more than difficult task, his whole body throbbed and he could feel the blood flowing down his arm. After that his memories began to get hazy he'd run out of the apartment taking note of the fact that it was snowing quiet heavily. He'd ended up in the snow, after that the only thing he could remember was waking up in Tohma's house.

Shuichi was up until the early hours of the morning writing. When he finally fell asleep it was into a light nightmare laced one. Two days of this had passed before Tohma finally brought it up during dinner.

"Shuichi you don't look very good do you need to go to the doctor again?" He asked as he watched the singer pick at his food. He shook his head no and took a small bite of his rice.

"Ryuichi asked about you today. He wants to visit as soon as you're up to it. I wasn't sure whether you wanted to see anyone right now so I told him later this week if you were up to it." Tohma watched as Shuichi grabbed his notepad and scribbled something on it. Tohma read the barely legible hiragana. 'I want to see him, tomorrow maybe?'

"Sure tomorrow's fine, I'll drop him by in the morning and you can spend the whole day together okay?" Tohma's mood lightened Shuichi seemed thrilled at the thought of seeing his idol.

Reviews: I received and e-mail saying we're not supposed to answer reviews so I guess I'll just answer any specific questions and hand out a thanks to all the reviews I did get.

A great big thanks to.

Rebelyell59, gdpsych, Plunger of d00m, kluv19, amyrose300, Eve-Phire, Fenikkusu Koi.


	3. Crayons and bunnies

AN) This stories been stuck in my head for the past little while screaming at me to get to work on it. This chapters short but some longer ones are on the way. Hope you like the update.

"Shuichi!" the brown haired singer of Nittle Grasper shouted as he launched himself into Tohma's house. He looked around not seeing his friend, then held Kumagoro up to talk to him.

"Say Kumagoro where do you think Shuichi is?" He stared at the bunny for a second awaiting his answer.

"In his room? Okay let's check that's where Tohma said he might be." Ryuichi turned and bounded up the stairs. He couldn't remember which door Tohma had said so started with the one in front of him and began to work his way down the hall.

"Shu…" He fell silent when he saw the boy slumped over his window seat. Ryuichi made his way into the room noticing the lack of color and life, it wasn't Shuichi at all. As he got closer he realized that Shuichi was lying on a notebook and a pencil had fallen from his hand. Ryuichi leaned down and shook Shuichi's shoulder gently.

"Shu-chan wakie wakie, it's time to get up!" Ryuichi was knelt right next to Shuichi when he woke.

Shuichi had been dreaming the same dream that always haunted him. He was forced to relive what Yuki had done to him every time he closed his eyes. Ever since Tohma had moved him into his own room it had been that way. He could feel someone touching him shaking him. He started awake throwing himself away from the person hovering next to him.

"Whaaa, Shuichi scared me Kuma-chan!" Ryuichi cried clutching his bunny and staring at Shuichi from his new position on the floor.

Shuichi looked at Ryuichi for a few seconds before he began to calm down and reassure himself that it wasn't Yuki. 'I'm sorry' he tried to say but his voice wouldn't allow it. Ryuichi tilted his head to watch Shuichi.

"What's wrong Shu-chan did you loose your voice?" The singer asked jokingly. Shuichi nodded his head in the affirmative.

"What! No when will you get it back?" Ryuichi asked crawling over to where Shuichi was leaned against the side of his bed. The eyes that met Ryuichi's made him want to cry. Shuichi put a hand to his throat and tried to talk as hard as he could but only a strange gargling sound was heard.

"Tohma said you were hurt but I didn't think…" Ryuichi pulled Shuichi into his arms. "You have to get better Shuichi you don't have a choice." Ryuichi said childishly, looking Shuichi in the eyes.

Shuichi pulled the notebook he'd been sleeping on over to him, he'd dropped it when he jumped away. He held it out to Ryuichi for the older man to look at.

"What's this your coloring book? Kuma brought crayons if you want to color." Ryuichi said taking the book to look at. Ryuichi looked at the book before him reading over the first few lines of the lyrics

"Shuichi did you write these?" He asked looking into the singers purple eyes. Shuichi nodded his head in the affirmative.

"Wow these are really good they'll make great songs when you get your voice back." Ryuichi said handing the notebook back. He watched as Shuichi scribbled something on a page and handed it back.

"You want me to sing them? Shuichi you're going to get better I wouldn't want to use some of your best material." Ryuichi said flipping through more of the book. Many of the songs were of a very depressing nature, but the more recent entries seemed to be lighter.

Shuichi took the book back and wrote something on the bottom then handed it to Ryuichi.

He glanced at the sloppy hiragana that read, "Please wont you sing them if it isn't too much to ask?" He smiled at Shuichi happily. "I'd be honored to sing your songs Shuichi, but when you get better you're doing them too. I know we could do them together Kuma says that's a good idea!" Ryuichi cried hugging Shuichi.

"So what do you want to do? Tohma was a meanie and said we have to stay here in the boring house. Do you want to play games or color?" Ryuichi was getting more and more exited as he rambled on. Shuichi took his notebook and wrote games on the bottom.

"Okay Kuma wants to play hide and seek since Tohma has such a big house! I'll be "it" first since you're sick." Ryuichi lifted Kumagoro up and used him to cover his eyes. "You have till the count of twenty Shu-chan you better hurry." Ryuichi said and began to count. They played hide-and-seek for over an hour before Shuichi began to feel tired and couldn't play anymore. Ryuichi decided it was drawing time then and they spent the rest of the day sitting on Shuichi's bed coloring pictures.

Ryuichi had a much easier time talking constantly then Tohma usually did. He only paused to look at Shuichi so the boy could shake his head yes on no to a question. That's what had happened when he looked up from his picture to find that Shuichi had fallen asleep on his stomach.

"Ahh Kuma-chan Shuichi fell asleep are we that boring?" He asked the bunny. He looked at Shuichi to see the boy shaking his head "no" slightly.

"Does Shu-chan want a nap?" Ryuichi asked coming closer to the boy. Shuichi nodded his head yes, his eyes were already closed.

"Then me and Kuma will take a nap with you." Ryuichi said, crawling to where Shuichi was and laying down next to him. He smiled at Shuichi sweetly and put an arm over his back.

"Kumagoro thinks you need to be snuggled is that okay?" Ryuichi asked. Shuichi nodded "yes" and Ryuichi pulled him closer. "Don't worry Shu we'll stay until you wake up." Ryuichi said closing his own eyes.

Tohma let a soft smile grace his face when he returned home. Shuichi and Ryuichi were curled up together asleep, he hoped Ryuichi hadn't pushed Shuichi too hard.

Reviews

Rebelyell59: I'm glad you like it, I hope this chapter is up to par.  
Eva-Phire: Yeah I know about the rating I'm sure by some of the later chapters I'm going to have to up it.  
amyrose300: Well it only took me like three months to update this one hopefully it won't take that long again.

Ex-MasterChiefLover-now-HondaTohru: Yeah Yuki's not out of the story yet I don't think I'll be save once I bring him back. People will probably hurt me.

Fenikkusu Koi: Sorry you had to wait so long, thanks for the review

Mitsubishie Eclipse R.S.: Well if I ever finish either of my two stories I do have about three that I'm kicking around on my computer that I might finally finish. Well thanks for the complement but I'm a girl, don't worry though because it happens to me all the time off the internet sooo. Thanks for the great review!

Random rewiever: Thanks, I know Tohma's OOC but he's probably going to stay that way. I love Tohma/Shu fics but for some reason I never thought I'd be writing one. Of coarse that's not necessarily the pairing that's going to come out. I kinda hope to surprise everyone with who Shu ends up with.

Ashcat: No this story is in no way related to Do I Have To? I actually had this one started before I even thought of Do I Have To and decided to post it. One day I may even finish it. Just kidding I will but I think the fans of my other fic would lynch me if I didn't work on the other as well.


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